Presidential Joke Day 2018 is on Saturday, August 11, 2018: Today is National Presidential Joke Day - 10 points for the best one .hint
Saturday, August 11, 2018 is Presidential Joke Day 2018. Happy Presidential Joke Day President Joke Day
OK, here we go...
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff"
What were Clinton's fist words to Paula Jones at the deposition?
"So now you open your mouth!"
What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.
What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer and a sleazy politician?
Al Gore and Hillary Clinton wanted to play a joke on the president. So she called Bill Clinton at the oval office. When he answed, Hillary told him that she was pregnant. The president didn't say anything for five minutes. Then he finally came out of it, and said, "Who is this?"
The Clinton family goes to a baseball game. After they settle into their seats, Bill picks up Hillary and tosses her onto the field. The umpire shouts, "I said throw out the first PITCH!!!"
Gennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Clinton was anything like Monica Lewinski's.
She replied, "Close, but no cigar."
AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:
"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.
And now, just to be fair -
Cheney gets a call from his "boss", W.
"I've got a problem," says W.
"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.
"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.
"A big rooster," replies W.
"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the jigsaw on his desk.
Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, "For crying out loud, Georgie - put the corn flakes back in the box."
One day there were three boys walking down the street, and suddenly they heard cries for help. When the boys got to the noise they saw George W. Bush in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning.
Dubya asked the boys how he could ever repay him. The first boy said, "I want a boat."
The second boy said, "I want a truck."
And the third boy said, "I want three tombstones with our names all on them."
Dubya asked, "Why is that, son?"
The little boy said, "Because when my Dad finds out that we saved you, he is going to kill us all!"
Know any good jokes?
The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win.. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner. After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day. At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none. That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, "Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating." The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry said to Obama, "Well, tell me, how is John McCain cheating?" Obama replied, "Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice!"