Ditch New Year's Resolutions Day 2023 is on Tuesday, January 17, 2023: Can you write a short FUNNY story about New Year's resolutions gone wrong?

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Tuesday, January 17, 2023 is Ditch New Year's Resolutions Day 2023. ULTRA® Official Videos - Start Your New Year's Evolution‎ Watch ULTRA® Videos for Inspiration

Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day

If you’ve held out for more than a week into 2012, you’re succeeding! However, we’ve arrived at the crunch point The month of january 17th is easily the most common date to provide on your resolutions, it’s marked by Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day.Are you able to keep your convictions well into 2012, or perhaps is it simpler to slide back to old habits?

Can you write a short FUNNY story about New Year’s resolutions gone wrong?

Note: This is 1st person but it's not about me, I'm writing this in the perspective of an older man :)

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A Resolve to Not Resolute

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It was New Year's Eve and I was about half a bottle of Jack Daniel's in already - and the midnight marker was a good hour away. Everyone else at the party seemed to be excited about the new year. They chattered away about resolutions they planned to make. I thought it was all a joke.

Every single January 1st since I hit my thirties was exactly the same - a throbbing, aching hangover, a heavy feeling from all the greasy party food the night before and (pressed into my sweaty, vomit-smelling hand) a scribbled out promise. This promise was always the same: lose a few pounds, stop smoking, work hard and get promoted.

This year I figured, "Screw it, I am NOT making any resolutions." In a sense, that was my resolution, an absolute ultimatum to myself not to make any or else it would jinx my year and sabotage any chance of accomplishing my resolutions to begin with.

There was no point in making a resolution. What good do they do? I planned to disregard all major New Year's Rules. All I wanted to do was to pick someone up, take them back home, get laid and wake up next to them the next morning without a single memory of what happened.

I filled up my shot glass with more J.D.'s and then decided to ditch the shot glass and grab a wine glass instead. I filled it to the brim with the heady liquor and glanced around the room for a pretty young thing to chat up.

Standing in the doorway was probably the most gorgeous girl I've seen in years. She had long dark hair, pulled back hastily with a single barrette. Curls escaped and spilled across her cheeks, which blushed rosier than a baby's fingertips. I wanted to touch her.

I saw her turn towards me. Her eyelashes were smothered in mascara - why did she think she needed makeup? Her pretty little mouth was painted brazen red. Those lips split apart to reveal a shark-like grin.

She was smiling. Smiling at me?

I turned around to see if, perchance, Brad Pitt was standing behind me. Luckily, there wasn't anyone around for her to have smiled at but me.

She began to walk towards me. I put my wineglass down on a passing waiter's appetizer tray and began to walk towards her as well.

I could smell her perfume as we neared. She leaned into my body. I could feel her knee slip between my legs. Her whole body pressed against my chest. Her head tilted up, her angular little face looked right into mine. I looked down at her, stunned speechless at how brave she was - did she want to kiss me? Was she going to whisper in my ear?

Our faces were a hair's width apart.

" Your fly's open," She snickered into my ear, peeling away from me without a second thought. Once she was an arm's length from me she added, " I didn't want to embarrass you by saying it out loud," And with that she returned to her group of friends, giggling and glancing at me.

I stood there, stunned. I looked down, saw a patch of my boxers poking from the fly of my pants and wanted to shrink to such a small size that I could crawl into the J.D.'s bottle at the drinks table and just drown myself.

"Alright," I thought, " Scratch that last resolution... looks like I need to resolve to quit drinking instead."

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calendar for strange national holidays?

calendar for strange national holidays?

Here are some of the more off-the-wall holidays that you'll find happening in January:

* Baby Boom Birthday - January 1st

* Bean day - January 6th

* Beer Can Appreciation Day - January 24th

* Bird Day - January 5th

* Blame Someone Else Day - January 13th

* Bubble Bath Day - January 8th

* Chocolate Cake Day - January 27th

* Cuddle Up Day - January 6th

* Customer Service Day and National Get To Know Your Customers Day - January 17th

* Ditch New Year's Resolutions Day - January 17th

* Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day - January 12th

* Festival of Sleep Day - January 3rd

* Fruitcake Toss Day - January 3rd

* Fun at Work Day - January 28th

* Hot and Spicy Food International Day - January 16th

* Humiliation Day - January 4th

* Inspire Your Heart with Art Day - January 31st

* International Skeptics Day - January 13th

* Man Watcher's Day - January 8th

* Measure Your Feet Day - January 23rd

* National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day - Janaury 22nd

* National Dress Up your Pet Day - January 14th

* National Hugging Day - January 21st

* National Inane Answering Message Day - January 30th

* National Kazoo Day - January 28th

* National Nothing Day - January 16th

* National Popcorn Day - January 19th

* National Puzzle Day - January 29th

* National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day - January 11th

* Opposite Day - January 25th

* Peculiar People Day - January 10th

* Penguin Awareness Day - January 20th

* Play God Day - January 9th

* Run Up The Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day - January 2nd

* Spouse's Day - January 26th

* Squirrel Appreciation Day - January 21st

* Thesaurus Day - January 18th

* Trivia Day - January 4th

* Winnie the Pooh day - January 18th

List of important days in january?

List of important days in january?

Month:

National Blood Donor Month

National Braille Literacy Month

National Hobby Month

Hot Tea Month

National Oatmeal Month

National Soup Month

Week Celebrations:

2nd Week Letter Writing Week

Each Day:

1 New Year's Day

2 Run up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes Day

3 Festival of Sleep Day

3 Fruitcake Toss Day

3 Humiliation Day

4 Trivia Day

5 National Bird Day

6 Bean Day

6 Cuddle Up Day

7 Old Rock Day

8 Bubble Bath Day

8 Male Watcher's Day

9 Play God Day

10 Peculiar People Day

11 Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend's Day

12 Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day

12 National Pharmacist Day

13 International Skeptics Day

13 Make Your Dream Come True Day

14 Dress Up Your Pet Day

15 National Hat Day

16 National Nothing Day

17 Ditch New Years Resolutions Day

18 Thesaurus Day

18 Winnie the Pooh Day -The Birthday of Winnie's author A.A. Milne

19 Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday , celebrated on the third Monday

19 National Popcorn Day

20 National Buttercrunch Day

20 Penguin Awareness Day

21 National Hugging Day

21 Squirrel Appreciation Day

22 National Blonde Brownie Day

23 National Pie Day

23 National Handwriting Day

23 Measure Your Feet Day- we only ask...."Why!?!"

24 Beer Can Appreciation Day

24 Compliment Day

25 Opposite Day

26 Spouse's Day

27 Chocolate Cake Day

27 Punch the Clock Day

28 Fun at Work Day

28 National Kazoo Day

29 National Puzzle Day

29 National Cornchip Day

30 National Inane Answering Message Day

31 Backward Day

31 Inspire Your Heart with Art Day

Holidays also on this date Tuesday, January 17, 2023...