Tell An Old Joke Day 2024 is on Wednesday, July 24, 2024: Good Jokes for 10pts?

Wednesday, July 24, 2024 is Tell An Old Joke Day 2024. Tell an Old Joke Day::15 Favorites • BCS Families • Family Fun In ... July 24 is Tell an Old Joke

here's a joke: ur boss!

knock knock

who's there

ur boss

ur boss who

exactly!!

When you take a long time, you're slow.

When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.

When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.

When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.

When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.

When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.

When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.

When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.

When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.

When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for vacation, you must be going for an interview.

When your boss applies for vacation, it's because he's

overworked.

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over."

The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! -- he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Damn...third gay rooster I've bought this month."

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand

Trekked a lonely caravan;

Men on camels, two by two

Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin’ went.

Met three whores in a pop up tent.

They was three, and we was two,

So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

There were three little old ladies sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

The first lady immediately had a stroke.

Then the second lady also had a stroke.

But the third lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

Two strangers are sitting in an adjacent seats in airplane.

One guy says to the other, "Let's talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off his glasses and asks, "What would you like to discuss?"

The first guy says, "Oh, I don't know; how about nuclear power?"

The other guy says, "OK, that could make for some pretty interesting conversation. But let me ask you a question first:

"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes pellets, the cow, big patties, and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?"

The first guy says, "I don't know."

The other guy says, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're qualified to discuss Nuclear Power when you don't know shit?"

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

__________________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 15th.

Q: What year?

A: Every year. __________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. _______________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? _____________________________________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years. ______________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo? A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo. __________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? __________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? __________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? __________________________________

Q: So the date of conception of your baby was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time? __________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls? __________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female? __________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. __________________________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral. __________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. __________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? __________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

old joke??????

No, that's not an old joke, it's a bad joke -- and I'm being liberal with the "joke" label.

What is a good joke to tell an old man?

This old man would sit on his porch in the summer time. One day this young boy came down the street dragging a roll of chicken wire. The old man said, Hey boy, what ya got there? The boy said, chicken wire! The old man said, what for? The boy replied, Im going to catch some chickens, you want to go? The old man laughed hard and said, boy you cant catch chickens with chicken WIRE! The boy said, we'll see.............. About an hour later the boy come up the road again with about 15 chickens all snared up in that wire. The old man said to himself, well how about that. The next day, the boy comes up the road with a roll of duct tape. The old man said again, what ya got there? the boy relied, Duck tape! The old man said, What for? The boy said, Im gonna catch me some ducks, you want to come? The old man laughed again and said, Boy you cant catch ducks with Duct tape! The boy just said, we'll see............ About an hour later, here comes the boy with about 12 ducks all bound up in a long line just draggin them home for the stew pot. The old man said, well how about that! On the third day, the boy comes down the road with this long flower thing on his shoulder. The old man says again, what you got there boy? The boy replies, A Pussy Willow. The old man jumped up and said, Hold on boy, let me get my hat! :0!