Family Stories Month on November, 2024: Story of Noah's Ark?
November, 2024 is Family Stories Month 2024. November Holidays: Strange, Weird, and Unusual November Observances Month Family Stories Month
I agree with you on this one godless. There are many stories in the bible that seem to be pretty out there. It does make the bible difficult to believe in, and I question the hell out of it personally. I view the bible as a nice story, and more as a book of Fables, like the Tortoise and the Hare where the moral is slow and steady wins the race. Many of the stories may have good morals in the end to teach lessons just like any other fable, but I do not see them as actual historical events. There is some good advice in the Bible, but that doesn't mean those events really happened. They were just stories that would get peoples attention so they would remember them and follow the lessons they taught. At some point in time someone decided they were all actual historical events that was probably schizophrenic and changed the whole meaning of it. It makes perfect sense for the people of that time lacking science to explain all they saw with such stories having no other explanation and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. What is kind of on the nuts side is that people today still take these stories as, pardon the expression, as the Gods truth. Because I believe almost anything is possible, I do not deny that these stories are altogether false or could not have possibly happened, I do however also not believe they happened by the feeling in my own heart, which has been a pretty good compass for me so far. It is interesting how so many other beliefs of things have evolved due to science and common sense and so many people still hold on to these beliefs made up to explain science that they did not understand at the time. There is a particular event that yanks my chain that we now have physical proof was not true. In the story of Moses and the parting of the red seas, as the hebrews exited the red seas, the egyptians who were behind them in the sea bed were suppose to have been led by Ramses the 3rd I believe.( I could be wrong on which Ramses it was, there were 6 of them) The sea was suppose to have crashed down and crushed all of the egyptians into little pieces that were in the sea bed. But for some reason, we have that same Ramses mummy in the Cairo museum inEgypt today. We also have his son, the next Ramses in line (his first born) that was suppose to have been killed in the 7 plagues of Egypt. They have been identified by DNA evidence to be who they say they are as well as the book of the dead buried with them also complied with this. (this book was written for each person individually giving information on their own personal spititual path to the underworld) So did the writings on the wall in their tombs as well as the written stories of them by their own kind. With such strong evidence that Ramses was not lost at the bottom of the red sea, I find it hard to believe that this story is factual history in the least. I also have a hard time believing, as the bible states, that the hebrews were his favorite people of all, (an entire particular race?) Gods people, and Gods people and everyone else was not favored by him, only them. Don't the writings of the bible state that God loves us all the same? And even these hebrews became sinful and evil while moses went up the mountain to get the ten commandments, when Moses came back, they were again worshipping Cows (graven images) and partying their butts off in every way God said not too. This again is self conflicting to it's own self. Which again, as with your example with Noah, makes it hard to believe the rest of the bible is true. This leads me to believe that people believe the bible whole heartedly because they are taught too, and because it is what is acceptable to the "in" crowd and to not believe it makes you and outcast and evil. If they don't believe it for the previous reasons, then they believe it because it if they don't they might go to hell and they don't want to risk that. Many people live their whole lives trying to believe this stuff and justify it with "I would rather live this way and be wrong about it in the end, than not live this way and be wrong in the end, therefore going to hell if I don't, better not to risk it." To me, better not to waste my whole life living in fear of a judgement of me that does not exist in most probability and just to follow my heart as I think any deity that possibly might exsist would want me to believe by sense of reason. I have nothing against these beliefs or the people that hold them or anyone that believes anything else that I don't, religion is a very personal thing to me. I do have something against the people that do persecute me for my beliefs and all others that do not share theirs exactly the same. ( I am spiritual but not religious) I hate the word cleansing when it is referred to in the biblical sense, it reminds me of the holy wars that murdered many innocent people in cold blood just for believing differently, and usually in all reality was just an excuse to gain more land and power. Holy Wars still exist today, do not kid yourself. The world is no more perfect than we are, and will never be.... Peace
How is my story so far?
First off, if you are not serious about writing a story, or even a short story, and are okay with not improving, then don't read this. Because I'm going to be harsh - helpful and constructive, but harsh.
There are some ways that, grammar-wise, you could make the story flow better. "Not the happiest day for moving" is not a stand-alone sentence. It serves no purpose as a sentence on it's own. Sometimes writers can poetically have half-sentence and it will fit, but in this case, it doesn't. Perhaps "The sky was gray and dismal and the sun was nowhere in sight - not the happiest day for moving."
Also, a comma is needed between "two months" and "as is the usual".
Also, TENSES! You MUST stay in the same tense, otherwise - wtf. You start as "I watched as the first.." clearly like you are telling a story, the average tense to use in story-telling. Then you flick to "I don't have anyone to share it with". You can describe yourself in present tense when telling a story in past tense, as the qualities you posess may still be true. However, you cannot continue telling your story in present tense when you started in past tense - you understand, right? You need to keep it in the same tense, as in "but I didn't have anyone to share it with". This also applies to the rest of the paragraph (!) and then flicks back to past tense for the rest. It's so, so important to stay in the same tense! This is basic stuff!
Moving on, the "I didn't have any friends in Paris" and the "I haven't bothered to make friends friends for four years" should be separated with a semi-colon as opposed to a comma, as that is how a semi-colon is used. The general flow will improve and it will look a lot more articulate if you use the correct punctuation.
"My brother" also doesn't suit well as a stand-alone sentence (in my humble opinion!) because generally they work better for more dramatic plot movements - the head belonging to your brother? yeah, that's not dramatic.
Apart from that, there are no more grammar, punctuation, or tense errors, but now lets address the actual style, themes, plot, chars etc.
Generally the writing style is quite primitive and childish. It is ridden with cliches, and uninteresting words, and poorly builds the scene. I am by no means a brilliant writer, but I do like to think that when I write I sufficiently avoid cliches. They are what can hold you back from writing something beautiful, with them you are just another amateur. The dramatic eye-rolling? Very overdone. Also, the description of London has little effect. Even in a few sentences, you should be able to bring to mind a vivid image of this eerily beautiful storm (and it should be beautiful, because your narrator claims to "love storms", right? Then again she contradicted herself when she also claimed them to be unhappy and used words to describe it with negative connotations). If your character loves storms, then YOU, as a writer, should be able to get the reader to love storms too just by describing their beauty. It is totally unconvincing that your character loves this "dismal" storm, unless she herself is a seriously depressed person, however I know this not to be true because of the affectionate way she treats her brother (which, btw, I will talk about later...).
There are definite sections where you could really character-build, because, although this is short, you should still be able to get these characters to be less 2D. Because right now, they are. They need character development, and history, and you made a decent attempt at that with the journalist story, but that could definately be improved. Why was the mother in such great favor with her boss? Is there any language you could use which could illustrate the narrator's feelings about the movement without actually needing to state them?
In the sentence "I’ll be the shiny new toy at my new school and then the new toy will disappear and everyone will move on." you were touching on something that could be good but then you didn't quite capture it in the right words. If she is the shiny new toy, how come she didn't make friends? That is not the right metaphor here, really. If she didn't make friends, but people made a fuss of her, she is more like a circus freak. Of is she is a shiny new toy, then you should describe how she is quickly old news BEFORE her 2 months are up, rather than staying the new toy, then disappearing.
Also, your main character, Ivy, argues back at her mother WAY too early in the book. First off, if she is a normal person, she will have some self restraint. She will want to avoid confrontation, and she won't argue back when she's not even in a bad mood (she loves storms?!). Readers will ask - why is she only saying that now? Why not sooner? So, whilst you can have a snappy, big-mouthed character, and that could be amazing, then you need to familiarize yourself with her personality and how she would actually of worded it - snappy, confrontational people generally aren't so logical as the character you wrote. But if your character isn't argumentative, then this should be something she thinks INSIDE and maybe just says to her mother, "I hope so, because this is all really rough on Jeremy", which is more realistic to her character because if she has such strong empathy to her brother, why not her mother too? And if she has some deep-rooted problem with her mother, which you could easily write her as having, then she should NOT snap at her mother on the first page. It should be kept inside, excruciatingly so, until the reader wants to scream "JUST TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL!" and then when she does, at the climax of the story, it would be aaaah-mazing.
Also, you should describe more deeply the inflection of the voice of her mother, because it seems really strange that she would say "trust me, this is where we will live!" like she is guilty of something. If she is guilty, SAY IT. Say that she set her jaw or gave a tiny sigh or whatever - something that indicates that she isn't a moron who casually defends herself for no reason and without being provoked.
Also, the whole "2 years", "4 years" thing has got me muddled. "That was two years ago" - WHAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO???!!! Her mother apologizing? or starting to move around? If it's starting to move around, then why did your character later say "you've said that for four years" if they only started moving around 2 years ago? Unless the mom is SERIOUSLY messed up in the head and just...actually, no, I have no reason for this. Except that it must be a typo. Or your character exaggerating, in which case, it should be made clearer.
Lastly, two things. First, this chick has travelled all over the world. Brilliant back story, but you have to follow through. She cannot be normal, she has to have a crazy music taste, tan, fashion sense. She has come from all over, she cannot have gone to different places and then for the rest of the story not mention them. So if you haven't been to all the places you describe, then you need to research them. I have been to all of these places and a heads up on the teenagers in each: china, they are kinda immature, and also really focused on school; russia, most kids smoke and drink a lot, clubs are super easy to get into; egypt, a lot of kids have jobs, helping their parents and stuff, also its pretty religious; paris, most of the girls are really skinny, and fashionable, in south france almost everyone has a pool in their garden; rome, never met anyone, just went sight-seeing, sorry. So yeah, you need to research a lot if you're gonna claim this girl spent two months in every corner of the world. Think of how much you learn about a place you go on holiday to in 1 week - two months is enough to really get to know it.
Secondly, unless you have an incestuous plot line that's building up - HELL TO THE NO. Have you ever had a brother? Or met a fourteen year old? The only excuse for this is either this is incest or if the boy has down syndrome. Because your character is treating him like a 4 year old. 14 year olds are pretty mature, and they argue with their sisters, and certainly don't sleep on their sister's lap and let them stroke their hair. Wow, no.
I may sound harsh, but seriously, you are talented, you just need to refine it.
And don't be tempted to just pick the most complimentary answer as the best answer cause that's just lame. I know people who just go round these "Read my story pls?" qs and just say AMAZZING without even reading them. And guess what - these people also get LOADS of best answers. Shows you how much people just like compliments, huh? A lot of people can't handle the truth, or criticism. I hope you're not one of them.
What would be a short funny story to tell people to give you money?
A CUTE LOVE STORY-
A BOY HAD CANCER AND HE HAD ONE MONTH TO LIVE.
HE LIKED A GIRL WORKING IN A CD SHOP VERY MUCH.
BUT HE DID NOT TELL HER ABOUT HIS LUV.
EVERYDAY HE WENT TO THE CD SHOP AND BOUGHT A CD ONLY TO TALK TO HER.
AFTER A MONTH HE DIED.
WHEN THE GIRL WENT HIS HOME AND ASKED ABOUT HIM, HIS MOM TOLD THAT HE
DIED AND TOOK HER TO HIS ROOM.....................................
SHE SAW ALL THE CD'S UNOPENED ...............
THE GIRL CRIED N CRIED N FINALLY DIED.
YOU KNOW Y SHE CRIED?
SHE HAD KEPT HER OWN LUV LETTERS INSIDE THE CD PACKS.SHE ALSO LUVED HIM.............!!!.